• Jill Hinckley

Long Distance Relationships

I work with people from all over New England, and some of my clients wonder, “What if I meet someone who lives far away from me?  If I’m not going to be able to come face to face with the person often and easily, if he or she isn’t within easy driving distance, is the match worth exploring?” 

There are many reasons why getting involved in a long distance relationship with the right person can be a great thing.  Here are just five reasons to give a long distance match a chance:

  1. Every time you have a date, it’s a real event.  Making plans to see someone special, whether it’s on a long weekend or whenever you both have some time free, gives you something to look forward to and breaks up the routine of daily life.  It also encourages the person planning the date – the host – to be creative and make the other person’s travels worthwhile.  In fact, the whole scenario is naturally set up to be romantic, as long as both people involved have the attitude that seeing each other really is a special event.

  2. You set time aside for each other and make each other a priority.  Whether your special someone is coming to see you from out of town, or you’re doing the traveling, you’ll get the chores and errands done beforehand, clearing the decks for a time when you can just plain focus on each other.  That doesn’t always happen in a relationship where the parties live close to each other.

  3. You know neither of you are staying in it for the convenience.  If someone travels to see you several times, or vice versa, that means you’re both really interested; you both really want to see each other.  Having that fact established can make for a relationship that’s more comfortable, more exciting, and ultimately more promising, than if either of you is fraught with doubts.

  4. You’re naturally kept from rushing the relationship to the next level.  Sometimes people who live close to each other can get so excited about a new relationship that they’re soon spending every minute together.  A long distance relationship restores the old-fashioned excitement of having to wait for the next time you’re going to see the person, allowing feelings to build more slowly and naturally.  Especially if you’ve been on your own for a while, a long distance relationship can also let you ease in to sharing your time and space with someone.

  5. Phone calls.  Nothing says that the time between dates can’t be just as good as the time you’re together.  Phone conversations let you get to know each other in a way that can actually be more honest and intimate than if you’re in each other’s physical presence, because there’s nothing to distract from the conversation.  You’ll learn if you like each other’s senses of humor, attitudes, values – all without having to get dressed up!  Text messages can also be a good way to let the other person know he or she is on your mind. 

The long and the short of it is, why let distance come between you and someone great?  Far better to spend some intense, romantic, quality time with a person you really like than less-good time closer to home with someone who’s just so-so.  (Or with no one.)  Proximity in no way determines who could be a good match for you, especially these days, with travel so easy and communication options so many.  Even some marriages work well long distance these days!