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  • Jill Hinckley

Finding that Special Someone

Finding that special someone may not always be a question of finding a person in my network, which is why I like to help you strategize ways you might meet the person of your dreams.

What’s the first step? Figuring out who that person is! And how do you figure that out? You start by figuring out who you are and what you want out of life.

So many people come to me with only vague notions of what they’re looking for. “Someone with a sense of humor,” they’ll say. “Someone successful. Someone attractive.” So how to explain why that successful, attractive person with a sense of humor you just met is not the least bit interesting to you?

As the saying goes, the devil is in the details. And the more you’re aware of details about yourself – and the more you’re engaged in the process of getting to know yourself and determining what you’re looking for – the closer you’ll get to finding your true match.

How to get to the bottom of what you’re truly looking for? To start, here are three important questions I would ask you to consider:



  • What do I want my life to be like? Are you a serious person with career at the top of your priority list? Or are you at a point in life where you’d like to spend most of your time laughing and having fun? Have you raised a family and would now prefer to focus on spending time with one person who truly fascinates you? Or do you have young children – or hope to – and know you’d love to focus on the needs of children and making a good family life?

  • How do I want to spend my time (and money)? Do you want to travel six months out of the year, or would you like to spend most of your time at home? Do you like to work sixty hours a week? Do you like to do volunteer work in support of your favorite cause? If you took a vacation, where would you go and what would you do?

  • What kind of relationship am I looking for? It’s easy to assume that everyone’s looking for “happily ever after” – but what that looks like can be different for everyone. Are you hoping to get married? Do you want to live with someone, or do you really prefer having your own space? Are you looking for someone to travel with or take long sailing trips with? Or are you just hoping you’ll meet someone who’ll go to the symphony with you?

When you realize the huge range of possible answers to these questions, you can start to see why not everyone is going to be a perfect match! Of course, finding the right match is more complicated than finding someone who answers these questions in a way similar to you, but knowing the answer to questions like these will get you that much closer to creating the life you want with a person who wants similar things. After all, how can you find what you’re looking for if you don’t know what it is?